Nodody shits in sinks anymore...

There are people in this world who know things about you, not bad things, not good things, just things. Those people just kind of feel it, they can touch it and reach you in a place very few people even see. These are the people you never forget. The first time I met one of those people he was tellin nigger jokes and could have gone swimming in his own pants. He made no apologies for his jokes once made aware of my ethnicity, I think he actually told a few more and for that I will always be grateful. We were'nt best friends but we were friends. There are a million stories that could be told about this character that was the NBJ himself. I'll only tell you a few. We were kids and we were dumb and we had fun. I saved his life once. Ok, maybe not saved his life but that pale fucker would have drowned in his own vomit on my parents front lawn if I hadn't hosed him down that night. It was Beefeater Gin and koolaid that did it and we'd both had a good amount. We were sitting in the back of my dads work truck with blankets and a few of us were hangin out. I was grounded for life and couldn't go out but could hang out outside if people came over. Occasionally people brought me things, that night it was Gin. My parents were out and shortly before they arrived home we realized our friend had passed out on the lawn when he had gone to throw up earlier. He was passed out in his own fucking vomit. I kicked him a few times then resorted to the hose. He jumped up when the cold water hit him and we laughed like idiots, he thanked me for savin his life, and I think my parents came home and everyone left.

I was grounded most of my highschool career. People came to visit and once in a while I'd be granted freedom but I don't think many people came to visit and hang out as often as the NBJ, he came and ate my mothers hot dogs - raw. He came and searched the couch cushions for change and once or twice I think he even helped my mother bring in groceries. He also answered our phone "Stratford abortion clinic, you rape em, we scrape em" at least once before gettin hit with the receiver for answering the phone in the first place. I can only assume his reasons for being at my house so often were that he got kicked out of his best friends house and mine was the closest. Whatever the reason I'm glad. He used to pretend to be running in front of cars and then fly back like you hit him but you were parked, and yea we were possibly, maybe, under the influence of tai food but for such a scrawny shit he sure made a thud and it was a simple kind of hilarious that most people seem to forget as they grow old. He also threw matches at me more than once and made fairly amusing jokes about what countries my tits could feed, but hey, no one is perfect. He was one of the few friends I never had a crush on and he always seemed to understand why I loved the things I did about the people he knew were more than just a crush. He carried a doorknob with him and was the first person I had ever heard use words like twatwaffle, grundelbisquit, and my personal favorite slampig, he said them as if they were the first words he'd ever learned and it was priceless to watch him talk shit. One morning after staying overnight at a friends house I woke up to him trying to break in through the window. He had plenty of jokes about the bed I was in but they were funny so I went and opened the door for him. When I left that day he and his best friend had taken a little joyride in the household car. When I got back a few hours later they were still gone and shortly before an adult came home you heard the car screech as they turned down the street and pulled in just in time. If I remember correctly they lost a hubcap somewhere upon entry but they made it just in time.

He almost caught me once while fishing for idiots. I was on my way into Dunkin Donuts for coffee and I saw a dollar. I stopped and considered picking it up, nearly went for it before remembering he liked to watch people chase the dollars and recalled that he hadn't gotten up to say hello to me just waved from the wall. Kelly on the other hand bent to go after it before I stopped her and pointed out the string attached to the dollar being held by the NBJ. Another Dunkin Donuts night he was running to the car to say hello. I opened the car door and got Hi Miiiiiii out of my mouth before vomitting. He helped me out of the car and walked with me to get coffee wich was more than the person who had driven me there was willing to do. It's shit like that you remember about a person, if they're doing anything right. He was a dick, but he had his moments and they were some really good ones. Six years is not quite as long as I knew him but it is as long as I've missed him and his inappropriate antics. I'm going to miss him for the better part of a lifetime and he is missing the better part of our lifetime. He wasn't my best friend but he was a good friend and I'm still angry he's not here to see the men and fathers, women and mothers his friends have grown to be and he's not here to make us laugh on our bad days, or meet our significant others with stories of our youth. He left us and for that, if there is a heaven or  a summerland, and if I get there, one scrawny motherfuckin white dude with glowsticks and springs for earrings better be wearing a titanium cup to protect him from the nut shot I will be greeting him with.