Flutterby war

Tonight as I left work I attempted to save a butterfly. It was sitting on the ground in the center of the doorway. I'm not sure why but in that moment it seemed so beautiful and so important to save that one creature from being stomped on by some asshole in too much of a rush to notice it. The next person to walk by, as I blocked the doorway with this intense need not to let someone kill beauty, he said firmly "its not a butterfly, its a moth."~ he still tried right along with me to save this creature. I'm not much of a buddhist and normally I'd have been the asshole in a rush but a little more each day I'm noticing there are times to trust my instincts even if they send me places I wouldn't naturally go. I believe in magic, signs and souls as much as I believe in science and logic. Perhaps more even. In a world filled with craziness I think maybe all we can believe in and trust is our intuitions and these intense moments that many of us dismiss in our insistance on being rational adults. As aware as I am that every butterfly must die and as odd it is that I spent five minutes today doing my best to prolong that creatures life, It was far and away the best five minutes of my day. I wonder what kind of world it would be if every minute of every day could be as beautiful as that winged creature.


For two weeks now I've been grasping for perspective and dodging the urge to trust myself in this newly prescribed "adult" version of me I'm desperately trying to become. Everything we do leads us to the person we are meant to be and maybe it was just a moth, and maybe it only lived a short time longer, but in a society where life is so easily taken for granted, who decides the chain of events? How does the fate of that creature or any other get decided? Nature? What is nature really, aside from a series of scientific combinations and reactions? Is there a natural order to the way each and everything happens or is it all just chaos and we rationalize it down to understandable bits so that we can go on with our day to day, me, me, you, us and back to me, bullshit? Are we so removed from ourselves that we forget to take the warnings our hearts, our souls give us about the things we have yet to do. Where did our adventure go? Have we lost our trust and hope to a world so much more a machine than it was ever meant to be or can we still pull back the line and get our spirits back. Eventually every machine will shut down and "civilization" will begin again with a whole new set of tools and rules and creatures to save. By denying our nature do we damage the natural order of existance for generations to come or will this denial of nature and instinct prove a positive contribution to the future?

As individuals the impact we have on the world around us both naturally and socially can be much more important in the little things we do or don't do, than we will ever know. Had I walked out a different door that butterfly may have died or maybe it wouldn't, for me that is enough to show me the importance of the minor details I normally ignore. Wether I saved a butterfly or a small child, life comes with no guarauntees and we are all left to decide at our own pace if we will be part of the machine made by man or the order created by the chaos of nature. As uncertain and frightening as the world without modern day societal structure may seem, a time is coming fast around the bend where chaos will once again put us in our place. What would you do if you knew you were dying? If you knew the world around you was about to drastically change? There's adventure in the wind and that is the chaos I'd live to live in. How about you?