Ever been hit with a bag of Spaghetti?

Maybe I was in the kitchen, but I think I was in my room and drawn out only to be rudely suprised by a bag of spaghetti to the head. I don't remember all of that time in my life clearly but I do remember it fondly. You learn alot living in a house full of guys, then again you learn alot just by living. I've done a shitload of really dumb things and had ALOT of fun doing all of them and while I now recognize just how dumb most of my best stories are I regret none of them. I've been giving this no apologies no regrets lifestyle of mine some serious and sincere thought lately and have yet to come to any conclusions as to wether or not I'm totally karmically fucked for living like this. I've also been wondering if I'm really living by it. Anyone who knows me knows I don't believe in apologies unless they're sincere and for real things, I'm sorry lost its value to me circa 2002. I only use the words if I actually mean them and I apologize sparingly as to uphold my rep as the last true insensitive. So I guess that means I do live as close to "No apologies" as anyone with some kind of heart actually could.
This leaves me pondering regret. Do I regret shaving the back of my head a few weeks before christmas in highschool, losing my virginity in a field instead of a bed, drinkin a 23 year old under the table at 17 then screaming "Stop the world I wanna get off" from the back seat of a friends car as I threw up and took my clothes off all while hanging out the window of a moving vehicle? Nope, don't regret that shit, they're funny fuckin stories. Breakin plates on my own kitchen floor, losin my shit cuz 6 boys didn't know how to do dishes, topless congo lines and sleepin on the beach for my 21st birthday, pirate parties with sand from the actual beach... ok had to think about it but no I don't regret that shit either. Would I do it again, probably not, but I can't ever imagine being sorry I did it. Now thats the fun stuff how about the crappier decisions like moving in with an asshole and all the crap that goes along with that old, old story no one needs to hear, nope don't regret that either. It made me strong, you can't regret the things that make you strong without taking something away from who you are. I'm built like a brick house, so I'm good with strong. Without the bad I'm not sure I'd know the good. Do I regret any of my HORRIBLE roomate choices or career choices or ridiculous plans to do what I may, or may not, believe are AWESOME things, nope still got nothin. We're about a paragraph and 2 decades in and yes this is the highlights but still no regrets. This is where I had to look it up, websters dictionary defines regret (in the noun form) as : Sorrow aroused by circumstances beyond ones control or power to repair.
Ok, terrific, we're back to sorry but with a twist. What, of any of the things I've done or been through am I sorry I cannot change? Here, is where I find my 2 definite 100 percent without a doubt, regrets. They both involve dead people, I can't change anything about the decisions I made, but in both cases, not a day goes by I don't wish I could. Number one, not calling Crouse the weekend before he died and number two never telling my Aunt that one night in a truckstop in Ohio her shithead alcoholic husband attempted to kiss me after a few beers. Now, I never really called Mike Crouse except to get other peoples phone numbers, we just weren't friends like that but the whole weekend before he died I was afraid he was gonna OD and I had a feelin I should call him. I didn't, he did and I miss the fuck out of him.
My Aunt, maybe he told her, maybe he didn't, we never talked about it, he probably didn't remember it and if he did, he knows he creeped me the fuck out, but I never told her. I told her everything but I never told her that and now she's dead.
So, regret for me I would define it as simply this ~ When you know there is nothing, absolutely nothing you can do about it, but you still wish you could. It's the wishing you could that I see most people get lost in piles of regret and I've recently found myself in this whole new place where I wish I could change the impression this one person has of me, and its frightening because I feel this regret thing is a slippery slope. The reality is either this person has no idea who I really am or maybe they do, or maybe I have no idea who I really am, but I do, it took me a long time but I do. Then someone came along and suddenly I'm a dumb girl nervous and incapable of basic normalcy (ya know for me) instead of the Gune, Shoe, Jugs, Sicklecell, Rainbow, Scalpel, Eddie, Mz Mitzy, combo pack of nicknames and awesome I TOTALLY am. I question wether I can even actually count this as a regret. If a person is living, there's hope that at some point you can do something about whatever it is that's bothering you. Is having that chance enough if you never do anything with it? Do you take it as a lesson learned and move on? Is nothing sometimes the best thing you can do? I hate awkward moments, it's a problem because I often create them and then react by making them more awkward or doing absolutely nothing. Until now I've never had a regret for any of the things I have done only those two things I didn't do and maybe that one other thing, that time in Wisconsin but that is neither here nor there. The jury is still out on this whole bein a girl debaucle but I feel it leaning toward lesson learned and do nothing.