Make it sound good, REAL good...

My 21st birthday started about an hour before I officially turned 21, we went to a bar called Helwigs and aside from that I mostly remember only the highlights. I know my Shoe was there, I know Sweet Dee was bartending, I know the same guy that pierced my nipples bought me my last ever shot of Jager and I know when the bar closed I was on the phone with a friend and screaming for the bikers parked in front to "Make it sound good, make it sound real good!". I know Shoe drove my car home and me in my short skirt and lowcut top hung out the passenger window pretty much the whole way home and I know I slept on the beach that night. I celebrated that particular birthday for 7 days and 7 nights and I remember enough to know it was a good fuckin week, much like a fair amount of weeks that year.
I lived in the house with some of the best people I will ever know, we partied like rockstars, fought like family, and once in a while someone did the dishes or I broke them, point is we had a good time bein young and dumb.
Of the 15 or so places I've lived in the last ten years that house of crazy was one of my best bad decisions. If the walls of that house could talk they would tell you the best of secrets and the worst of truths and all the really funny shit in between. Those idiots blew up a toilet once, they also drank beer in the shower and shot eachother and me with pellet guns among other things. We had theme parties, break shit parties, shot parties and even once or twice just an impromptu, plain old, party. We relaxed and enjoyed just plain livin and we fought and laughed and this is all starting to sound like a much nicer version than I thought I'd remember when the lease was up.

The thing about the past is it gets easier to look at and easier to fade out the bad. The bad, I was a whore, I threw a cat once, one of the most epic fights I ever had. Yes, I threw that mother fuckin cat after pulling a large sharp object out of a drawer, after throwing a penguin, after having a coconut thrown at my shin, in a room full of people who sat speechless. What no one knew was late at night when no one was around I used to comb that cat and clean his litter and make sure he was fed, granted I still threw the cat.~RIP Jerry. Back to the whore part, I brought home more dudes than any of the boys brought home girls, and I sent them all home right after.(Don't worry Mom, Dad condoms are a gals best friend!) Now, a few things I can hear being questioned right about now and you have to keep in mind, 1) I am the worst lez ever. 2) Yes, my parents read my blog and 3) No, I'm not ashamed of where I've been. My past is more than what the interwebs knows about me and any one who knows me could probably tell you much worse than this anyways. The point, I told a good amount of people ~ If they were gone when I got back from the shower that would be great.

The other thing about the past is its passed, it's not comin back around like Big Ben, it's not a place you want to live and it's not worth holding all that tight. Freedom comes with knowing that. Freedom comes in recognizing your biggest mistakes and making them into future victories and sometimes all it takes is a glance back at who you were to remember who you are. My 21st birthday I asked for my favorite people to be in the same place and somehow, the Friday night of my 7 day celebration, even if only for a short while, most of them were. I was late to my own party, my aunt took me out drinkin first to Alphas, then Rays, then home, where one of the boys asked me who the hot chick was, where Crouse sent me on a really good trip and at some point we had a topless congo line. I was fun once ya know! I am fuckin happiest when the people I love are, well, around. Is that all there is to take from that though? Two of the people there that day are dead, many of the people there that day I haven't seen in years and the ones that count are still around.

The things we do that remind us of the worst of who we used to be can be the best tools for stopping the replay. All the showers I took no one ever stayed or came back around, they never counted. The choices I've made are mine and the people that have stayed in my life, they're my people and the ones that didn't, they're my past. What the hell does any of this mean? Means today I wanted to remember. I drove trucks to be tall, I went to broadcasting school to find out who lived in the radio and I live like I do because objects in motion tend to stay in motion and the last time I let someone stop me I ended up in the shower. You figure it out, I'm goin to watch the sun go down...