The Gay Mans Guide to a Hurricane

The Gay Mans Guide to a Hurricane

A Guest Blog By: Kid Kelvin Carney

I have only known two ladies by the name of Sandy, the first is a scruffy companion to the a little curly red-haired girl named Annie. The second was this Australian broad that fell in love with some bloke Danny. 

Now rumor is that the next one I get to meet is going to be a real bitch, on her super period. I am hoping she is wearing a super maxi pad cause this is going to be her heavy flow days. How do you deal with a problem like Sandy?

Lighting

Don’t get your average handy man flashlight, the one I picked up has a red light going on, a little mood lighting if you will. The second source is normally as boring as candle, but gay men just don’t do that. Pick one up with a little scent and flavor, these are multi-functional, see if the power goes out and you can’t wash your butt, a nice Yankee Candle will hide your stench.

Cleanliness

Keeping you butt clean should be a main concern. You can fill up your tub with water and use that to clean up your pits, but there are also these handy dandy flushable wipes to help clean your man parts spic and span. 

Food

They say to get non-perishable items during the storm of the century, but lets be real there are too many carbs in those. Get yourself some fresh fruit and veggies, but don’t forget about all those frozen veggies in the freezer. Once the power goes out take those out, once defrosted, you get to take a trip down the vegan highway. Also buy some eggs and boil them for a great source of protein. Now every girl needs atleast a few carbs in her life, I suggest getting some bagels for a morning treat, dry cereal, and some chips. You will need these for the party you are about to have.

Drinks

Get some bottled water, sparkling if you like. Although the water is important the real issue should be you alcohol shortage. If you like beer, stay away from it during these hard times! If you lose power, it will get warm and all skunky. Get some wine, vodka, bourbon, whiskey. If you are like me and forgot to get a mixer for your vodka, there is a quick fix. Boil some water, tie 4 tea bags to a skewer and steep. Once cooled this will serve as a perfect mixer for the dark nights ahead.

Lastly, we cannot forget the Entertainment!

If you are like me, you have tons of technology. Make sure you get your laptop charged up. This can be used to watch movies, all kinds if you catch my drift. Your kindle or e-reader, we need to use every chance we have to keep ahead of the hetero-sexual curve.  Camera, there are always opportunities for a great shot. I-Pad or another tablet to watch movies, listen to music, or use as extra lighting.