Crap you were right about...

This last two weeks have taught me alot about who I am becoming and its hard to say or even think, but maybe some people are just part of our past. It doesn't happen over night and sometimes we don't even know until it's happened, but some people will fade out of our lives. Some people grow at different stages and maybe they'll catch up but maybe they won't and that's ok, it's nothing personal, its just life. If you'd said to me two weeks ago that my friends wouldn't always be my friends, I would have told you to shut the fuck up. I love each and every person i've shared a piece of myself with and some get more than others but suddenly I'm realizing that changes and growth they either happen or they don't and I want to be with the people that move. I want movers and shakers, lovers and risk takers, I need love and friendship just as much as the next person, but I want more.

There are people we keep in our lives because they understand that part of us that wants and needs more than the moments leading up to now. There are also people we keep in our lives because we hope they'll eventually match our stride. Some will catch up and some will not and as much as I hate to be underestimated, I fear I've been overestimating some of the people in my life. Maybe, I've been overestimating myself, clearly this isn't where I'd hoped to be by now either. As simple as it seems to say oh people drift, oh things change, not everyone is wired to accept that drift and change with it. For some friendship is more like family than family and you don't always like them but you love them. The family of friends that sit at my table, all mean the world to me and maybe the table needs an extension, but I'm suddenly in a place where I'd rather just set up some folding chairs in the corner and send the kids off to their own table. I love them, but space isn't such a bad thing. There are so many different parts of life to experience and maybe its time to take off the training wheels and stop looking for people that no longer exist as they once did.

Part of becoming an adult is knowing when to step back and be happy for the good. I may not be growing into my life the way I planned or as quickly as some of the people I cherish, but I am not nearly as broken as I sometimes think I am. Not every mistake is a bad one, not everyone knows how who they are and hope is always a good thing even when it hurts. Some things are meant to be buried deep and some are meant to roam free, some friendships can be buried deep in our box of memories and some are free to breathe and grow. I'm inspired by newer, stranger, more challenging friendships lately and as much as the past can complicate things I am ok with the changes. Its still sad though, to watch the old friendships fade away. I don't generally handle change or plan ahead very well, long goodbyes make me cringe, I hate going places alone and I've never been much for doing things the way other people do, yet somehow I've always managed to get where I'm going. This time, I'm pretty sure I'm not lost but the path chose me and eventually i'll get there, I guess the table will be set a little differently is all.