From oil spill to shining oil spill, with Ninja Pirates.

Dear BP, U.S. Government and general lazy, uninformed, carefree public,

If you were parents, your children would be taken away. If you were managing a McDonalds, no one would eat there and if you were teachers, students would actually leave less educated than when they went in. I am clearly, no accountant but. I am willing to bet, you have spent more money and more importantly, time, trying to place blame and make people "feel" like your doing things to clean up, than actually cleaning up. I have a few suggestions I'd like to throw at the american people while you continue making up reasons not to clean up your mess.

First of all, those pretty beaches that Americans with a budget for a small vacation have made plans to do nothing at this summer, or anytime in the next few years, consider those beaches an active vacation. Putting your kids on those beaches, in that water despite the large bits of oil and rotting animal carcasses is a bad idea no matter how much you paid for your beach vacation. Perhaps as an American citizen who loves the beach you could volunteer to help clean up efforts as a family for a week. A marine biologist could teach you and your family all sorts of fun and interesting things about helping to clean up this mess and maybe the hotels would even give you your rooms half off, or a free future stay. Even just 10 families a week for a year, helping the clean up effort would make a world of difference not only to the economies effected by this insanity but to the actual shorelines as well.

Next, I'm thinking we could pass a giant hat around and collect enough money to get Super Suck International ( Supersuckinternational.com )to clean it up. They have a way of cleaning this up that any asshole should be able to understand and they have done it before. If you can show me another place thats already done this type of work by all means lets evaluate it quickly and get them out there but from the dumbass ideas I've been watching, if we dont make a bigger stink about how this is being dealt with, we will soon be able to run our cars off of the oil we collect and process ourselves at a fraction of the cost, each time it rains.The point I'm attempting to make is simple, this guy is ready and willing to end this, why aren't we pulling his ships with magnets, cartoon style, to get him out there?

Then after the oil is cleaned up and reprocessed to be once again useful, we allow the people effected by this insanity to sell BP back its oil for triple the cost in addition to the clean up fees, throwing in "Bob", also known as: that million dollar yacht of Tony Haywards, as a parting gift. From there each U.S. government official with any financial ties to any oil or energy company, politely retires after making a reasonable donation to nonprofit agencies geared towards helping people here in the United States get a hold of their bootstraps and pull themselves up.

These are are just a few wildly hopeful suggestions from someone with barely half a college education and some hope for the future of this country. Please consider these options before I start looking for volunteer ninja pirates to hijack your rig and let people who know what their doing rescue the gulf from this endless terror. Thats right ninja pirates, I write it and I mean it, stealthy, ruthless, will work for Rum or Saki, NINJA PIRATES. Do the right thing America, start passing the hat, because your Government and BP, don't give a FUCK if you don't.