Where you want to be.

I've been planning this move to Atlanta for a few years now. Each time things get really rough I consider the logic of it. Is there enough money, what would I do and where would I work. I consider it carefully, am I running away or just running. Eventually I talk myself out of the move before I can start packing and planning. Today I realized this time I am planning before I pack, I'm trying to figure out how to save and pay things off and get ready for a move out of the great new england. I'm considering New Orleans for awhile before Atlanta, I'm wondering if my wandering spirit can handle a place where I know no one and there is so much to actually be done.

I wonder if I'm ready for such a drastic adventure. Then I think, fuck it if I get things in order, if I handle the plan in a responsible adult manner, if I just stop thinking and go. Then I think, I'll be gone. It's a strange feeling to want to stay and do it one way, knowing you have to do it another. Knowing that if you stay you'll begin to fade away.Knowing whats out there in the world makes it that much more painful to stay and assimilate. Some people are happy in one place for a lifetime and others need to test the waters and head for firmer ground. I'm almost prepared to start plotting it out and I've begun to recognize the winds slow shift. Its a very slow shift with a whole lot left to learn about it, but i'm enjoying the pace we are shifting with. I like the way it feels to recognize the shift but it's frustrating not to know when exactly the big decisions should be made by. At what point do I move myself into yet another storage facility or sell my possesions on the front lawn, stop talking about what I'm going to do and just do it already.

I'd like to go somewhere where living is celebrated, somewhere better than reality tv will ever tell us and somewhere with plenty to do even when you don't have much to do it with. I want to see things with my own eyes instead of filtered by others. Its hard to imagine staying in the same place for too long and that leads me to believe my next big move had better be not only bold, but really well thought out as well. In my attempts to fully prepare I think this time when I go I'd like to do it right, debt free and ready. Just like there is never a good time to give someone bad news there will never be a "good" time to leave what you know for what you don't. I'm just hoping that I'm seeing things clearly when the time comes. Simplify your life if you want to live free, there are decisions made by us and decisions made by nature. It is my nature to be free and how can I be running away if I am walking. We should all be able to walk into something new every once in awhile.