Tonight I'm not really sure what to write or where i'm going with this or anything else for that matter. I woke up today and just the simple act of opening my eyes was painful. In the past few weeks of unemployment I have been barely able to get motivated long enough to fully clean the house, do laundry or get groceries. I send my resume out and get calls from scam companies telling me they want me but refusing to discuss hours, wages or what exactly it is that they do. On Sundays I call to tell the automated system that for yet another week I have failed to do enough and actually find a job. Somehow I am fortunate enough to be surviving financially but aside from that each day gets a little harder to plaster on a smile and tell myself and those around me how great I am.
There is much more to getting fired than losing your job and there is much more to asking for help than just accepting it. I've now been fired from two jobs in my life and I'm sure life has plenty more bumps for me to go over before I get where I'm going but once or twice in this life I'd like to sit on the top of the bump and learn how other people do it with such grace and style. Is everyone just plastering on the appropriate smile and moving on with their day or am I once again the minority? Both lost jobs had their pros and cons and both did what was right for them. I mean that lady didn't actually have a lawn and if it weren't for the rain she would have never known I was there but that wasnt exactly strike 1 or 2 or even 3 for truck driving and no, I certainly didnt make my quota 3 out of the last 4 months at this more recent lost job and though that was definitly not on purpose, the last thing I wanted to do was continue watching asskissers and politics prevale over hard work and common sense but the last thing on anyones to do list is get fired. I had hopes of finding the perfect new job that paid my bills, gave me time to go to school and ended at 40 hours with no one too deep in my personal life. Shame on me for thinking life happened on my very specific timeline and terms.
In my half assed, pity party attitude I've lost the drive to be the ideal employee in some office and I am slowly coming to the conclusion that two crappy jobs who know they're mindnumbing and ultimately worthless, may just be better than jumping back on to that customer service slave ship. Then I try to imagine how to fit four classes into the 2 job house of cards and not only does the house crumble but I somehow end up owing it money. There is a time for all things and perhaps this for me is a time to get a little numb, hide in some silly job and hope the people who count don't take the coming isolation too personally. Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and do algebra, find the job of my dreams and pay off my debts in full. I think the algebra is most likely to happen, and my magic 8 ball and psychic network are both assuring me that tomorrow will be better so with that I think I'll head to bed, hopefully those psychics are better than the weatherman.
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