The last of the good time biker bitches...

There are those who will not understand where this is about to go and for them I will say just like she would have "Fuck'em", I'm not sorry, this one, this one is for me. If your looking to read on about all the great things my Aunt did in her life keep reading, but if you're looking for me to sugar coat my anger and hide my pain so this can be comfortable and easy for you to read then please, skip this one. If you want honest, you want real, you want Nancy, then you take the good with the bad and you keep reading because this, this is for me as much as it is for her and she never sugarcoated who she was. This may hurt but there is nothing about death that doesn't and maybe thats a lesson we could all walk away with.

My aunt was a pill popping drunk with a loud mouth and a great rack. There it is I said it and maybe it didn't have to be said to get where this is goin, but there it is in black and white. Not everyone could understand a statement like that but I am damn sure she would have rather I put it out there than pretended no one's thought it. The greater truth, the deeper, more important FACT, is that my aunt was one of the strongest women I have ever known. There is no way to remember a persons strength without recalling their weakness and maybe it's not polite and maybe it's not how you would do it but professional life aside when I think about my Nancy, our Nancy, polite is not the first thing that comes to mind. I think loud, loving, living and in her finest moments goddamned breathtaking for all the right reasons and all the wrong ones too. Even after that there is so much more before polite. She wore her scars better than most and if all you saw was the pill poppin drunk then you never looked her in the eyes and you definitly never listened past the whiney tone she got when she was hurting.

She wasn't just my blood, she was my friend, my other mother and my hero. Nancy showed me how to enjoy what I had. Sometimes it was as simple as dancing to Zepplin, toilet papering my Aunt Amy's house, hiding out just long enough to get it together or sharing my secrets with someone who had been there, done that, but she always had a way of makin it better and I guess that's what Aunts are for. Right now though, right now in this very moment, I'm pissed off between tears, I'm wishin she was here and I'm waiting for her to call, drunk and pissin and moanin about the last bitch to piss her off. To tell me how the last ride on the hardtail fucked up her back or how she's once again friends with the backstabbing bitch she told me about last time we spoke. I'm putting off sleeping because when I wake up this will still be real, she'll still be dead and people who knew her will still be telling me how "surreal" this all is and how "sorry" they are, and what I want to do is scream. More than that I want to laugh until I forget the sad parts and only remember the good. I want to hear stories about the loud mouth bitch we knew and loved, I want to scream at the sky and tell her what an asshole she is for leaving us. I want to dance to Zepplin until it rains Nancy, hear her laughter in the laughter around me, hear her whine one last time. Watch her dance with the past one more time while sitting at Rays with that smile, you know the one someone gets when they remember a REALLY good time and then tell me she was just gonna have "One more, just one more".

The last thing I said to my Aunt was come home, I love you, come home. When I said this I meant come home to fucking Connecticut but I didn't say shit about doin it as ashes. I know she's no longer in pain and she's in a better place but for fucks sake the one time the silly bitch listened to me she had to go and do it the hard way. The twisted part is, that, that was Nancy. She loved and wanted to be loved, she laughed and lived and she did it all at something close to an 11 but she always did it her way. Knowing Nancy was and always will be knowing life, some serious highs, a fair share of lows but always a good time, always a suprise, always a great fuckin ride and good possibility of a titty shot, even if you didn't really want it.

Dear Ant Nancy,
Thanks for teaching me how to take care of myself in ways only someone you share your secrets with can. Thanks for Steven Tyler, Led Zepplin, The Stones and so much more. Thanks for holdin my hair back and holding me while I cried. Thanks for my first real job and my first ride on a Harley. Thanks for giving me the best parts of you and all the in between. I know wherever you are you'll be with me and I know I'm not as angry as I'm trying to be and I know you get that too.
Fuck you, I love you. ~ Meg

Get a job ya bum...

Portishead and vodka, this is what this day has come to. That's what my secrets have made this day. Secretly I'm a fucking superhero, the sky is purple, I'm everything I want to be and my female organs haven't turned on me and decided they want things. It's only natural to feel disappointed when you realize you're not the superhero you thought you were. These are the sour times and I am a wandering star. Where does that get me? Fucking nowhere. I've been pumping my resume out like a hooker gives out handjobs for the last few weeks. What I have to show for it is a job that is everything I hate about the state of corporate america. Allow me to break it down for you kind folks, 1 hour interview to see if I should get an actual interview. 1 hour for the initial assesment and personality test. 1 hour for the secondary assesment and personality test. 1 hour for the actual interview. 2 hours for the "you got the job, now we want the last ten years of your life" paperwork and 30 minutes for the you could be a junky piss test. So not including the travel time to the individual interviews and the paperwork session from hell, I've already given them 5.5 hours of my life plus permission to dig ten years back into my life for whatever scandelous shit they're looking for. All this just to prove I'm worthy to pick up phones, be nice to people, and join the machine like all the other worker bees. I passed all their tests so far, I mean the drug test hasn't come back yet but I'm a drug free worker bee. No really I am, but passing all these tests hasn't made me feel good, I'm not excited about embarking on my exciting new job as a call center rep, I'm fucking disgusted that I've sold out to, not even the highest, just the first bidder. More than that I'm distraught that my immediete choices are either to sink now or drown later, succumb to the khakis, become the "ideal employee", plaster the fake smile on and pay my fuckin bills or hope for something better. The thing about hope is that it has around the same nutritional value as piece of chalk.

People say "congratulations" and "oh you got a job how great" or"I'm so proud of you!" and after six months of sucking the good ol' unemployment teet all I hear is "took ya long enough", but thats just the little guy in my head that's not what people really think. Or is it? What do "people" really know about where I've been these past few months? Proud of me for what, livin the american dream? Worshipping the almighty dollar so I can get out there and consume the almighty product? I didn't write a bestseller or ride a motorcycle across country, I joined the rest of the unhappily-employed in a rigged ratrace that will eventually land my right back in burn out city with a trigger happy tongue and the same hatred for everything around me that shut down my spirit and killed my worker bee mentality the last time. Misery loves a little company and a big company feeds on misery, starcrossed lovers they are. Whats that you say? A means to an end you say?Three years from a degree to set me free, three years of plaster and koolaid transfusions, three years of chalk and all I see is dust coming out of my mouth as I tell myself I don't have to love it, just do it, like the ad says.

I've lost everything and been free and now its two steps backwards to get to the shiny place in front of me that keeps spitting out hope. Hope is free and anyone can afford it. I've been stockpiling it though its not quite feeding my soul. Then again who really needs a soul when they can have things and stuff to fill the adventure void left by all this american greed. The machine may pay my bills and it can have me for the 40 plus hours a week but i'm only drinking the koolaid because without it I can't continue choking down this pasta. Cheap as it may be pasta and the air sandwiches that go with it, much like hope and chalk have no nutritional value. I miss having money, I miss broccoli and movies, I miss clothes that fit and having money in the bank but mostly I miss being able to take care of myself. In all this I've found myself and even if people don't know, I know. Knowing the rules is the first step to getting where you're going, I am my own evolution. I am no where near complete and this is just a means to an end. No one ever says I want to work in customer service when I grow up, but people, they do it. I'm not people, I am a superhero.

Clean bathrooms, pink ribbons and winsockies.

Chuck Pahluniuk wrote "No matter how much you love someone you'll step back when the pool of their blood inches up too close.", I've been pondering this lately more than usual. On Tuesday someone I love had pieces removed. Not the first pieces, just more pieces. After they took the first pieces she said to me, "Meghan Elizabeth, I want to know what they did with them. They're mine." I didn't really know what to say to this, I think I may have laughed until she laughed. What do you say to that? I mean either you laugh or you cry and she and I, we don't cry, it doesn't work for us, it slows us down. So we laugh until we go back to figuring out how to rule the world. Ruling the world begins with long beautiful hair, your hair is your crown. Next came clean bathrooms, this is key, if you cannot hide that you are human you will never be queen! Also cleanliness lives next to godliness and someday you might need a little god even if its only as a rental. Basically, don't cry over spilt milk, clean that shit up and put it in your pocket, thats a token of cleanliness your gonna trade for a little kindness some day. After this you must own your chosen path of crazy and stick with it. This is essential to your survivor as a ruler, there can be no wavering, no uncalculated shifts in the direction of you and your one woman army. Your mercy is your weakness and your strength, use it with care. Finally, A hard head makes a soft but.



What happens when the Queen loses her crown? You buy her wigs, overpriced, ridiculous, costume wigs and you pray to the god you've been cleaning for that she laughs and wears them.When it's revealed she is, in fact, human and she's cashed in all her spilt milk for a few extra sour years and gone bat shit crazy? You hope its just the cancer fighting the person you love that lived in there.You hope you weren't completely oblivious and blind to who this person was. You wrestle with the thought that what you saw was a mirage.Then you think, "What could a queen have that could cover the interest owed to good old Grim for continued use of the body?". Perhaps the Queen had nothing but pieces, and maybe she wasn't specific enough with one Mr. Grim Reaper, in regard to the terms. Possibly she didn't read the fine print, where it clearly states the good pieces, the kind, loving pieces that the important people love a queen for, those pieces will be the first to go. And if a hard head makes a soft but, what makes a hard head? What makes a hard head? How about banging it against a wall and plotting your next big jump of the sane train, your next bold, death defeating move.That could make a hard head right?

The more important question for me lately is what happens when there are no more pieces to take? When all the harvestable parts have been removed, what exactly is left. I'm trying to believe that the very best parts were passed along to the important people long before the deal with Grim, before the cancer settled in and started redecorating and before we started stepping back. I'm wishing the lessons learned from the Queen before the fall can be remembered longer than the ugliness of a lonely body snatcher named cancer. Each end has its own beginning and somewhere in the middle we turn to run from the puddle that is the inevitable end. No two people will run in the same direction, at the same speed or with the same form but every person will step back before they go and everyone will feel guilt for not going back to stop the blood flow. The last few years I've been stepping further and further back. I've closed my eyes and lost track of the blood but it hasn't stopped pooling. It's survival mode and I may have committed to it. This isn't about CPR or applying pressure, it's not about loving someone enough to splash around in their blood and it isn't about saving them. This is death after life. This is a fight that must be lost eventually because no one gets out alive, no one, literally lives forever. Except maybe a Queen...

Vote and see, what's beef?

There is an election coming up and its going to be a bigger one than anyone seems to think. I'm no politician and this all my opinion based on what little I do know, but sadly it seems to be more than most of my generation. I don't know that its truly understood what is actually at stake over the next few years if those of us too busy to care don't find the time to care. There are so many people who don't believe that voting matters. To them I have a challenge: Learn about the candidates for this midterm election and vote. Vote and see. See if your vote matters, if everyone who thinks it doesn't matter took the time out of their day to vote and that shit doesn't matter, then what the fuck did you lose? But, if each of these poor unfortunate "I don't matter" souls voted and it did matter, then this revolution will have begun in a whole new way, more importantly this generation will have learned from its past. Our current President is attempting to clean up an 8 year mess caused by a man who let people in his own country starve for 5 days, relaxed oil drilling and safety laws to near non-existence, "stimulated" the economy by giving millionaires tax breaks, while the rest of us lose our jobs to less expensive sweat shops in other countries and he kicked all this off by sending a large part of our country off to war with a country over his daddys beef. Provided this is not just the eye of the storm and things are finally starting to settle, this is the time to keep it from getting worse for us small people.

President Obama , or Barack as I like to call him when I yell at the television, is trying to get us small people a little help but we have got to start helping ourselves. If a building burned a slow burn for 8 days, then you put it out on day 9, you will never be able to build that building back up, as it was or better, in 2 days and without help 8 days or 80 may not even be enough. As a generation and as a country we are allowing our present mindset and our future lives to be manipulated by money, greed, and a lack of self worth created by a combination of forgotten history, American privledge, mommy and daddy issues and a mainstream media so connected to big business that no one bothers to report the whole news at all anymore. Congress and the president are made to fight like an old married couple but slowly this president has made some progress where others have failed. As the progress begins to roll down it is met with the largest man made "accidental" environmental disaster this country has seen since New Orleans survived Katrina but lost the city to shotty government issue levees. As the wheel of progress gets stuck in crude oil, the Bush relaxed policies and MMS regulations and inspection policies seem to have been forgotten as the cause as people all over the gulf search for some one to blame and someone to do something. Hey America : STOP BLAMING THE FALL GUY, start accepting some responsibility, either you want things done fast or you want things done right but you will never get them both simultaneously.

Republican candidates and supporters all over this country are saying really dumb shit, and getting away with it. Arizona's current governor in attempts to be re-elected couldn't read her own speech during a debate. Moments of silence, giggling and poor english awkwardly holding together a statement that would give Lewis Black a heart attack and this woman is leading in all pre-election polls in Arizona. Glenn Beck is calling our President a racist for attacking or trustbusting big business, which just so happens to be a majority of old white guys who have been making rules for everyone but themselves. All my pal Barack is really trying to do is give the working class people back their chance to survive by taking back the opportunities and principles this country was founded on. If you don't think your vote counts then what do you have to lose by voting because you have everything for yourself and your children to lose if you don't. If you voted for President Obama then give him and the people he supports a chance, help them to help you have a brighter future. Know whats happening and take the time out of your busy money driven, bill ridden existence to see if your vote makes a difference and gets your country back to being yours instead of some unknown "theirs". Vote and see, I fuckin dare you!

A persons a person no matter how brown.

August 29, 2005 I was learning to drive trucks. I was driving all over the midwest, all over the south with a trainer. We watched as convoys of black vehicles with tinted windows and Army vehicles headed south in the days after the storm. At the time my goal was not killing us while I drove. My focus was on paying the bills that had been piling up and surviving my first few months out in a world I knew nothing about. While I was trying to keep myself together in the truck 20,000 plus people of all colors shapes and sizes were waiting for food, water and rescue. I could sit here and try to write without bringing race or class into it like some reporters and politicians have tried to do but i'm just not that hopeful. There is not a bone in my body that can be convinced that if the majority of people in need of saving had been white and rich, that they would have starved and been left in third world conditions for one day let alone 5 days.

After spending the last few months watching and learning about the past and present New Orleans I have learned that despite my tough bitter exterior I somehow maintain hope that the have nots will some day win over those pesky haves. I have received some very suprising feedback on my hope for the culture of New Orleans to not be lost with all that has happened. I've had friends and family tell me that moving there and trying to help in the rebuilding process would be pointless, that these people don't want help and even that they are nasty people who should not be helped. These are the combined words of several different people who I have grown up with, who have raised me and who despite their lack of hope, I still love.

The compassion and understanding that we lack as a country is an ever festering American disease. We watch bad things happen and move on as quickly as can be to the feel good stories about the puppies saved by Sarah Mclachlin, we turn the TV off for the real news because we are too sensitive or too senseless to know that if it could happen there it could happen anywhere. This week broadcasters, journalist, media, American media, chose to look at the good things that are happening now and some looked back at the past and others chose to go with the feel good stories of hope and rebuilding. The fact is they steered clear of the anger and the frustration, they steered clear of race and class and the pink elephants trampling all over these stories. These stories left out the people who still have not been able to go home, barely touched the true crime of tainted FEMA trailers and plans for less public housing, less affordable homes, the lack of reasonable insurance payouts, the simple things like the rise in homelessness due to the rise in rents, the jobs and schools, these are the details that don't make Americans want to watch. What people in the media and in control seem to be missing is that anyone paying attention knows that for every shiny good thing, for every sparkly piece of hope and spirit that these people have there are ten more things that need help, hope and serious attention. We are living in a time where knowledge is more powerful than ever but less desired by the moment and less retained by the hour.

For every person who wants to know there are twenty who are too busy focusing on their bills their needs and their survival to even consider that anyone may have it worse. It keeps me up at night knowing that now I see and if I do nothing I become the ignorance that I've grown to hate. It breaks my heart to know that in my lifetime there are not only racist people but there are people who truly believe that there is no racism involved in something like the days after Katrina. Rational people with common sense and good hearts who believe any one of many lies we tell ourselves to make tragedies into the victims problem, to make it ok to live with ourselves. The people of New Orleans may have been mean and ornery, rude and tough but the truth we try so hard to ignore is poverty. These people did not have the ability to evacuate for various reasons but I'm willing to bet the majority of them were using public transportation. The difference between New Orleans and Detroit is that when things get tough in Detroit people leave. Things get tough in New Orleans and people stick it out, at times clearly to their own peril. The poor of any city are going to be tough, they are going to be angry and they are going to fight harder than most to survive. I do not believe that the people of Detroit could have survived a disaster like Katrina and I don't believe that as a country we are truly so lacking in compassion that we truly believe it is acceptable to throw away our poor. I do believe that we have given up our belief in community, our faith in one another and our fighting spirit. As a country we've sold our souls for the money, forgotten our dreams and lost our voices along the way. Everyone in this country could learn so much about living if we just took a moment and followed the lead of the people and culture of New Orleans.

There is hope for all of us in the spirit of New Orleans and this week as you eat your meals, take your showers, use a bathroom or just go home, try to think about how you would have lived through their tragedies. Consider you have no car, no transportation and the mayor tells you there is a mandatory evacuation, think what you would do while the city shut down its public transportation, parked its busses and left you behind. Ponder the thought of your government, your emergency aid, your army not noticing 10,000 or so people in one place and 20,000 in another, despite the numerous helicopters flying over them, the news coverage and the unmistakeable need for help. Imagine being told to turn around after reaching a bridge into the next city, being told by men with guns that you are not welcome because with you, come other starving, smelly, needy people. Imagine the stench of waiting five days while people around you died, waiting for food and water that can be air dropped to third world countries across the globe in two days. Think about how you would survive this knowing your home, your community and your family may never be the same. Think how you would feel if you were shipped off to some random strange city to be left no way home whether you had a home to go to or not. Be grateful that you have not lived their tragedy but be mindful of the lesson their spirit, their community and their tradition of survival teaches. Remember how fortunate you are to have the means to leave if you had too and remember those who could not.

A little kindness goes a long way in both bad times and good. The storm may have passed but the damage is not near finished and as we watch stories about Pakistan and Haiti lets not forget our own people trying to survive our own tragedies, lets lead by example and make some effort to keep our eyes, hearts and minds open. This is America and if we cannot give our own people the chance to have things back the way their community wants, the way they were or better, based upon the needs of the community instead of the wants of the few, what does that say about how we, help others. If it could happen to New Orleans, LA it could happen to Bridgeport, CT or Charlotte, NC or Detroit, MI and if you don't think it could happen to you, take a look at your elected officials, thank them keep paying attention and be sure to vote next time around.

Wooden horses and lighthouses.

Atlanta, Austin, New Orleans, San Francisco, Hoka Minnesota,Savannah, they're all places, places I've been, places I haven't been. All places I will live, all places I need to experience. Everyone has destinations, dreams, hopes and plans they'd like to see happen someday. The thing about someday is someday never just comes. Someday takes more than a daydream or a manic episode, it takes a plan and the focus and drive to act on that plan. John Lennon said "Life is what happens while you're making other plans.", we have all experienced this and know it to be an accurate observation. It's a fair warning that plans like rules are meant to be questioned, challenged, forgotten, faulty and broken. Faith, hope, experience, perseverence and wisdom are major contributors to the completion of any plan big or small. The plans we make, the dreams we have are all possible if we commit to kicking the roadblocks down. The world is filled with people who turn around at the sight of a road block and never venture to look back. There are others of us that maybe not the first time, maybe not the fifth time but eventually we will power on through the roadblock and take the path we planned despite the unknown. I've made as many roadblocks as I've knocked over and I'm sure to make and find plenty more along the way, but eventually they all come down.

I've had a million different plans over the years, some more ridiculous and outlandish than others but the ones that have happened and the ones that will happen are generally planned well in advance. The plans of the past have taught me well, to plan better, to be prepared for glitches and to watch for signs, literally and figuratively. I've spent most of my short life planning escapes into dreams out of realities and out of dreams into realities. I have no doubt that when I'm old and gray, rotting away in the old folks home, I will have the best stories. I know what it looks like out there in the world outside of Connecticut and I have no intention of leaving without a little more than I came back with last time, but I have every intention of leaving. For now the plan is simple, finish this ten year associates degree, spend as much time with the people I love as possible, move to New Orleans, learn some shit, help some people, live a little and love some more. Is this easy or perfect or what you'd want to do? No way. Is this what I'm going to do? More or less, yes.

The thing is most people don't consider that they really can be the firefighter or the cowboy, the nurse or the teacher, the astronaut or the rockstar. For most people the child they were turns into the adult they never wanted to be and thats the end of dreams. Everything I wanted to do when I was ten, I've done and 17 years from now I want to be able to say everything I wanted for myself at 27, I've accomplished. No ones life is easy and nothing worth having comes easily but everything we want is possible if we just remember ourselves. I don't always know where I'm going exactly, or when I'll get there but if I really want to go anywhere in life, I'll go. There will always be setbacks, there are no smooth rides and there are no easy out buttons, but the possibility for someday to become next year, next month, next week or tomorrow is much closer to real than most people seem to realize anymore. I've spent some time without a plan, stepped into the drone shoes and drank the koolaid for awhile and now more than ever I know that is not who I am meant to be. Sometimes knowing who you aren't is enough to keep you kicking through roadblocks and gasping for air. I'm not walking up all these stairs just to walk back down, I'm gonna brave the rain, step outside and love the view from the top. Are you?

Meghanomics 101

Over the last few weeks of silence I've completed my algebra requirements, spent some time partying and sleeping away my unemployement depression and now I'm pissed off again and ready to write. I'll begin with a little math and then maybe we can move on to some sociology. Get some milk and cookies, unbutton your pants and get relaxed, I've got alot to cover and I don't want you wandering.

There are approximately 310 million people in this country, about 30 percent of these people are not of a "working" age, and 20 percent of these people are currently unemployed and recieving some kind of aid, 2 percent are exceedingly wealthy and we'll say a hopeful 13 percent of Americans are living in poverty. Now for the moment lets pretend all of these are completely proven facts. Giving some overlap room to unemployed and poverty stricken Americans lets say 40 percent of the American people are somehow surviving, 2 percent are tax free and loving it and 43 percent should be severely pissed off right now. 10 percent are going to die before it matters and well why should they care, we've given them no reason to.

By any and all descriptions of majority rule the severely pissed off should be kicking asses and taking names by now, so where are the fuck are we America? Oh did Jersey Shore start a new season? Did Bethany finally get married and are John and Kate officially divorced? Oh wait Kourtney Kardashian passed out after excessively exercising for that post baby bikini shoot, let me get my medical book and we can all figure out what she could have done better. WHAT THE FUCK! News reporters have apparently given up on reporting actual news and I actually saw a report yesterday on a legit political topic (Anthony Weiner, NY representative blowing up over 9/11 bill going unpassed despite majority in favor) where the reporter rather than risk having a mind of her own or simply researching the actual topic, she stated she didn't know the particulars of the bill and had no idea what Anthony Weiner was screaming about and it was "Such a turn off". Susan B. Anthony is flailing around in her grave right now. All the pretty make up and perky tits don't put a brain in your head Miss Perino. This is not a dignified or graceful time in our great country please take your charm school head out of the sand or get ready to become extinct with the rest of the weak.

Its not just fox news giving you the finger America its all media thats treating you like kittens with catnip and strings to keep you busy while the dog is in the kitchen eating your food. Multitasking looks great on a resume, ability to do a million things at once is the new American dream both at home and work, but what are we really retaining of what we see? Pictures of movie stars are selling at prices that would keep me comfortable for a year maybe two but we are hard pressed to get a current valid picture of what the oil is doing to the gulf coast. Fisherman helping with cleanup or living in coastal communities are not only being told "oh too bad, must have been something you ate or sprayed or breathed in that has nothing to do with BP." but they're also being given the old "check is in the mail" story. Meanwhile the majority of the country is talking about Lyndsay and ooh what's Snookie gonna do this season? Wake the fuck up, how is the most talked about thing about the Presidents interview on the View, the fact that he doesn't know who Snookie is? No one should know who she is! She is a distraction from the reality of where we are as a people and we buy it hook line and sinker.

I find it painful, to believe that the people of this country would rather remain numb and dazzled by overtanned unrealistic plastic people than stand up for the rights many before us fought decades to gain. Political leaders are building our country to suit their needs rather than ours and our childrens. 97 percent of us will never be in the top 2 percent, we will never stand to lose by taxing the overwhelmingly wealthy and we will never stand to gain by hiding big businesses immense fuck ups. The gulf coast could use some paparazzi, so can the 9/11 first responders, the unemployed, the under-insured and the impoverish Americans. Get out your cameras people this is not going to be your grandparents revolution, there will be shouting there will be screaming and with even half of the majority getting off their asses there will be progress.

Henry, Caroll and Maria

This country was built by fairly uneducated immigrants who ultimately figured out how to get what they needed despite big business and ugly politics shitting in their face at every turn. How many Americans are aware that the same companies who received government bailout money also currently have executives making daily what the average American grosses in a year? I researched this today and I know it's wrong but I couldn't help but picture a bunch of lonely old men driving their overpriced, undertaxed, foreign cars home to their completely unnecessary, oversized mansions, rolling around in money, while watching videos of starving Americans fight for unemployment benefits so they can attempt to support their families while their houses are being foreclosed on. Elaborate daydream I know, but even if that's not what these whales are doing with the money, what the hell are they doing? I realize The Gospel of Wealth is over a hundred years old now but maybe its time we recycle some paper, reprint Andrew Carnegie's entire essay on the subject and start stapling it to these peoples foreheads. Better yet lets tattoo the short version onto our asses, this way when big business yanks down our pants each day to fuck us from behind, provided they put down their Iphones long enough and they can actually read, they'll have to see it, "The man who dies rich dies disgraced."- Andrew Carnegie

I realize these are harsh words and images but maybe that's what it takes to get people to care. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not asking these billionaires to hand out money just because things are rough. I'm saying these fools have the money to save the Gulf from big oil and help clean up the damage, they have the money to set up full scholarships for students who want, need and earned the right to an education, they have the money to feed families that need it 3 squares a day and bailout families whose homes are in foreclosure because their companies and their friends handed out loans like candy to people already in over their heads, convincing these people it would all be ok. Instead of helping their fellow man these fat cats choose to wallow in their greed. Carnegie wasn't some swell guy either but the man sure knew how to justify his beliefs and he believed in providing opportunities for those who desired them and in helping those who would help themselves. His employees received low wages and poor conditions but if they wanted more they could go to the local library, donated to the city by a local wealthy family, learn a thing or two and get themselves into a better situation.

I spent some time in a library today and it was revitalizing to be surrounded by so much power. Books have this smell, this feel that no piece of technology can ever quite provide. Books are so full of answers, solutions, questions, knowledge that no amount of recycled paper, green energy or computer technology can replace. Standing there surrounded by books the options feel infinite. Yet we keep trying and thus continue repeating bad behaviour because Bing or Google or Wikipedia don't include enough solutions or they provide too much possibility or none at all, the phone is ringing the music is too loud and we just don't have the attention span anymore, we just don't care enough about the people we've become because we forgot where we came from. The silence of a library can certainly give a person an entirely different perspective, and I just wonder how long it's been since the rest of this country experienced that.


When do we start to get angry again? When do we stop letting our ancestors roll around in their graves while we drop the ball and let the few steal our tongues and speak for the many. Who really wakes up and says "I need 5 to 15 thousand dollars a day to support myself and my family, I require 1 to 30 million a year to survive." These people are robbing you blind of your basic necessities and your spirit alike. These people have you too busy running their wheels to even attempt to look at the world of possibility that exists if you stop buying what they sell. People used to talk to eachother, face to face, actual human contact, now we barely know the people we see everyday. Our hopes and dreams rest on the shoulders of our neighbors, do you know your neighbors name? When they come for you will your neighbors stand to protect you? Are you tired enough, are you angry enough, are we there yet?

Crap you were right about...

This last two weeks have taught me alot about who I am becoming and its hard to say or even think, but maybe some people are just part of our past. It doesn't happen over night and sometimes we don't even know until it's happened, but some people will fade out of our lives. Some people grow at different stages and maybe they'll catch up but maybe they won't and that's ok, it's nothing personal, its just life. If you'd said to me two weeks ago that my friends wouldn't always be my friends, I would have told you to shut the fuck up. I love each and every person i've shared a piece of myself with and some get more than others but suddenly I'm realizing that changes and growth they either happen or they don't and I want to be with the people that move. I want movers and shakers, lovers and risk takers, I need love and friendship just as much as the next person, but I want more.

There are people we keep in our lives because they understand that part of us that wants and needs more than the moments leading up to now. There are also people we keep in our lives because we hope they'll eventually match our stride. Some will catch up and some will not and as much as I hate to be underestimated, I fear I've been overestimating some of the people in my life. Maybe, I've been overestimating myself, clearly this isn't where I'd hoped to be by now either. As simple as it seems to say oh people drift, oh things change, not everyone is wired to accept that drift and change with it. For some friendship is more like family than family and you don't always like them but you love them. The family of friends that sit at my table, all mean the world to me and maybe the table needs an extension, but I'm suddenly in a place where I'd rather just set up some folding chairs in the corner and send the kids off to their own table. I love them, but space isn't such a bad thing. There are so many different parts of life to experience and maybe its time to take off the training wheels and stop looking for people that no longer exist as they once did.

Part of becoming an adult is knowing when to step back and be happy for the good. I may not be growing into my life the way I planned or as quickly as some of the people I cherish, but I am not nearly as broken as I sometimes think I am. Not every mistake is a bad one, not everyone knows how who they are and hope is always a good thing even when it hurts. Some things are meant to be buried deep and some are meant to roam free, some friendships can be buried deep in our box of memories and some are free to breathe and grow. I'm inspired by newer, stranger, more challenging friendships lately and as much as the past can complicate things I am ok with the changes. Its still sad though, to watch the old friendships fade away. I don't generally handle change or plan ahead very well, long goodbyes make me cringe, I hate going places alone and I've never been much for doing things the way other people do, yet somehow I've always managed to get where I'm going. This time, I'm pretty sure I'm not lost but the path chose me and eventually i'll get there, I guess the table will be set a little differently is all.

From oil spill to shining oil spill, with Ninja Pirates.

Dear BP, U.S. Government and general lazy, uninformed, carefree public,

If you were parents, your children would be taken away. If you were managing a McDonalds, no one would eat there and if you were teachers, students would actually leave less educated than when they went in. I am clearly, no accountant but. I am willing to bet, you have spent more money and more importantly, time, trying to place blame and make people "feel" like your doing things to clean up, than actually cleaning up. I have a few suggestions I'd like to throw at the american people while you continue making up reasons not to clean up your mess.

First of all, those pretty beaches that Americans with a budget for a small vacation have made plans to do nothing at this summer, or anytime in the next few years, consider those beaches an active vacation. Putting your kids on those beaches, in that water despite the large bits of oil and rotting animal carcasses is a bad idea no matter how much you paid for your beach vacation. Perhaps as an American citizen who loves the beach you could volunteer to help clean up efforts as a family for a week. A marine biologist could teach you and your family all sorts of fun and interesting things about helping to clean up this mess and maybe the hotels would even give you your rooms half off, or a free future stay. Even just 10 families a week for a year, helping the clean up effort would make a world of difference not only to the economies effected by this insanity but to the actual shorelines as well.

Next, I'm thinking we could pass a giant hat around and collect enough money to get Super Suck International ( Supersuckinternational.com )to clean it up. They have a way of cleaning this up that any asshole should be able to understand and they have done it before. If you can show me another place thats already done this type of work by all means lets evaluate it quickly and get them out there but from the dumbass ideas I've been watching, if we dont make a bigger stink about how this is being dealt with, we will soon be able to run our cars off of the oil we collect and process ourselves at a fraction of the cost, each time it rains.The point I'm attempting to make is simple, this guy is ready and willing to end this, why aren't we pulling his ships with magnets, cartoon style, to get him out there?

Then after the oil is cleaned up and reprocessed to be once again useful, we allow the people effected by this insanity to sell BP back its oil for triple the cost in addition to the clean up fees, throwing in "Bob", also known as: that million dollar yacht of Tony Haywards, as a parting gift. From there each U.S. government official with any financial ties to any oil or energy company, politely retires after making a reasonable donation to nonprofit agencies geared towards helping people here in the United States get a hold of their bootstraps and pull themselves up.

These are are just a few wildly hopeful suggestions from someone with barely half a college education and some hope for the future of this country. Please consider these options before I start looking for volunteer ninja pirates to hijack your rig and let people who know what their doing rescue the gulf from this endless terror. Thats right ninja pirates, I write it and I mean it, stealthy, ruthless, will work for Rum or Saki, NINJA PIRATES. Do the right thing America, start passing the hat, because your Government and BP, don't give a FUCK if you don't.

Are you Chester Copperpot or are you a Goonie?

There is an epidemic of ignorance in this country, it could be argued that faith in your government and media is not ignorant or blind. I'm not buying what their selling. I know maybe you're asking where this is going, and I'll tell you it goes everywhere from your bedroom to your politics, your job to your families holiday dinner. We are living in a time where we should be sick of watching people point fingers like five year olds while a president who inheritted one hell of a mess from an imbesile who ran this country into the ground long before the oil rig exploded, attempts to clean up a bush-made disaster in policy, economics and morale. We keep talking but instead of watching to make sure the economy gets better and disasters like the Gulf are cleaned up we sit at our computers, or watch our news and get just upset enough to bitch, but not enough to do anything of substance about it. We don't want to tell our neighbors not to beat their wives or let their kids torture kittens because, well, its just none of our business. Then we wonder why no one stands up to politicians or big business when they can't get it together and address legitimate issues that effect the portion of the population not getting paid by big business and the government simultaneously. Hey folks, we allowed these assholes to be elected, it's my fault and your fault too, we are all to blame for regulations becoming so lax and businesses having a guy who evaluates the risk and says "Eh fuck it what are the chances..." That guy exists because we let him just like we go on letting the neighbor smack around his wife.



History is full of power struggles and poorly managed resources but as any Goonie knows, "Down here its our time,Its our time down here." and Goonies never say die, Goonies find pirate treasure after surviving booby traps set by century old pirates and a small crime family chasing them through this. Goonies survive and while their middleclass parents struggle with upper class businessmen to save the homes their kids were meant to grow up in and the way of life they worked so hard to keep, Goonies find treasure and save the Goondocks! Try and follow me this may be radical here, but lets pretend our government and big oil are the upper class businessman and we the people paying attention, are a fair split between middleclass Goonie parents and Goonie kids. The treasure is having an environment that isn't massacring all life it comes in contact with either directly or slowly and painfully. The treasure is a country once again having and believing in, an actual checks and balance system, knowing how it works and taking part in the process. The media is the booby traps and theres a few old hippies for One Eyed Willies crew, those guys have been waiting since their revolution died for someone to start paying attention again, they're gonna be thrilled if we can just get off the money trains and the couches.


My point with the Goonies analogy? For one, its a classic and two, it makes it a little easier to swallow that your letting your government steal your kids chances of having everything you wanted for them and then some. As well as bending over and taking it your silence is saying its ok, wether you feel that way or not no longer matters. I'm a Goonie, I'm not looking to save the world but how about we make an actual effort to save our country, ecologically, economically and even politically then send more aid to wartorn countries or natural disasters. We've seen how we helped our own people in Louisiana once before what makes anyone think other countries really want our half assed government issue help anyways. This is our time here in this country to start the change that can keep us from becoming the next collapsed civilization. My suggestion, get on your bikes and ride! Get a clue, check your information, read a history book and find the map in the attic, this will not end well if we forget where we come from. America is not the home of the almighty dollar, its the home of the free.

While you watch your fire works and light your own consider how much longer your watch mommy and daddy fight about who cleans up the mess before you stand up and make something happen. Actions of many are so much more brilliant than the words of one, words must be read but actions can't be ignored if done well. How much is the Gulf of mexico worth to you? I'm thinking maybe it's time we pull out the map, get on our bicycles and go hunt for the jewels to buy back our country and our environment. How many out of work ecologists, biologist, fisherman, machinists, sales reps, etc would it take to clean up this oil. Take it out of the governments hands to delegate and BP's hands to clean up and clean it up! Take your environment back in everyway, feel good about actually doing something and stop watching it get worse.Theres a Baby Ruth in it for you if you accept this mission, now lets make it happen!

Dear Mom and Dad, Thank you.

I believe the term I used was "whiney, touchy feely bullshit", wouldn't want to call anyone indecisive with words like "wishy, washy". Feelings are great but when you decide to have kids they become your priority, not your feelings but their well being. If your kid is autistic and prone to wandering, by all means strap them into that stylish leash that looks like a backpack with a harness, but not because it makes your life "easier" but because the child is safer with it on. Each child may respond to different types of discipline but there is a difference between discipline and and basic core values. Respect is learned then earned not given with wreckless abandon. Basic core values are generally the same we all would like a certain degree of respect. No one wakes up and says man, I want everyone to treat me like crap today. So why would you let your kid treat you poorly and just hope they learn by watching television that you deserve a certain degree of respect. I have little if any respect for parents who spoil their kids rotten just about the same amount I have for a parent who beats their child. What little respect I do muster is from the very small part of me that questions if perhaps, there is some perfectly reasonable explanation as to why they would allow or cause their child to have such a high probability of becoming a drain on society in one way or another.

"A healthy kid will naturally shy away from adults they do not know" - An equally healthy kid might go up to the same stranger, say hello and proceed to have a conversation about teddy bears and unicorns. The difference between Chatty Kathy and Shy Sam getting ripped away and sold on the black market or breaking their neck after tripping on a horshoe crab is that ones mommy and daddy are not only paying attention, but they also taught their kid not to walk away with strangers, a healthy respect for the rules and to obey the rules not because it was a nice idea, but because it was right if for no other reason because as the parents they love their kid and don't want to see them get hurt by some dirty fuck or a horseshoe crab. The latter of wich falling under the " Because I said so" blanket. Why should I or anyone else with any common sense respect another person's parenting standpoint and point of view if they don't respect their kids or themselves enough to know their value as parents or the importance of basic core values.

Yes, everyone has their own set of values but there is one universal way to consider it, do to others as you would have them do to you. If I was letting my 5 year old be rude or disrespectful to me or themselves, I would want someone to let me know I was being hypnotized by the charms of a child and allowing them to walk all over me therefore ensuring that my kid would learn this behaviour was acceptable. I would want someone to keep me from allowing my child to have this lack of respect that they then treat other adults and children with. It may not feel good to be reminded of my job as an aduolt and parent but it would certainly humble me enough to want to keep my kid from embarassing me the next time we go out. Perhaps you would keep it to yourself, sit on it and then in your old age, sitting in the very nice looking, very expensive home your sweet children put you in, wonder why the poorly disciplined, ilmannered nurses and general staff, made up mostly of these peoples kids treat you like garbage. While you let their parents do it their way because, well maybe there's a reason, imagine these kids letting you lay on the floor with that broken hip, because they need a cigerette and they need it now, your pain is not nearly as important as their hourly fix, is it? Ponder the politeness of it all while you sit in bed stewing in your own fluids at 80, 90 or 100 years old because everyone took lunch but poor, sensitive Billy who can't get to everyone and didn't know how to say," Hey this is wrong", while you sit hungry at lunch only to watch Tammy eat your pudding cuz she couldn't afford her own dessert after maxing out her credit cards on nails or tanning.

Clearly this is worst case scenario but is it really all that far from possible if everyone sticks their head in the sand and says "Well, to each their own." or "We don't know their situation", it's common sense, kids getting punched in the face stand up for him if you don't who will? Same can be applied to lazy, half assed or parentless parenting, children are children no matter how adultlike you try to treat them. Who will be left to mention, politely of course,that treating others with respect is a swell thing to do, if by adulthood they haven't been taught to respect simple family, parent and child roles. They certainly won't grow to respect their elders any more as adults than as children if we all say oh well not my problem and leave them to their own devices. Generally, people do not wake up and suddenly say "Today is the day I treat myself and others with respect." You learn to respect yourself, you learn to respect others as they earn your respect , but you don't give respect to people who don't know the value of the sentiment or meaning of the word. As those people learn self respect, they earn your respect and you learn to respect them.

No, it's not politically correct or openly popular to voice your opinion with wild abandon, but if properly placed it's sure as hell can be more effective than hoping they'll get a clue and want to hear someone elses opinion. If you don't want to listen, then don't but the freedom to say it was once of the great beauties of this country. Words had less power and more freedom. I have the freedom to sit at my computer and type out my feelings and opinions on any topic, because you can choose not to read them, but I really shouldnt state simple observances out loud and in front of anyone who may just need a reminder of their responsibility, because, it may hurt someones feelings and once I've said them they're out there hurting peoples feelings and raising awkward questions about what came first the bad parent or the bad child. Being sensitive and healthy is good and well but all the more reaason to speak your mind when you see foolishness that will someday and in some way effect you.

You are completely right, there is no clear cut training manual on how to be a good parent but if people use a little common sense and put their kids ahead of themselves, keeping in mind that they would like their kids to someday show everyone the same kind of respect that they themselves would like to be shown, we may just make out ok. No, it does not feel good to send a kid to time out, take away a treat or tv time, send them to bed early or without a bed time story and yes it is sad or irritating to watch them pout or throw a tantrum but it is part of the job as a parent to follow through and not let cute kids turn into sociopaths and narcissist. Nature can only explain away a few the rest were nurtured right on into these mentalities. As for social darwinism, the runts of the litter eventually get killed off or die out apply this concept to human beings, not everyone is meant to be a parent but technology and poor parenting have landed us in quite a pickle, because now everyone can produce children they just can't raise them. Did they want friends, kids or someone for their friends kids to play with, did they make a mistake and now the kid and the rest of society has to suffer their actions? I'm all for abortion, adoption or even dare I say a womens right to have her tubes tied upon request. Your body is your business but if you can't handle the consequences of your decision to have a baby by having sex, implanting eggs or sperm or both, be ready to hear my boldly opinionated loud mouth in the grocery store, at Ikea or anywhere else where I may have to witness your bad parenting and don't get your panties or feelings in a bunch, I am telling the guy or gal that beats their kid the same thing, just as loudly.

736why

I never wanted the white picket fence with the 2.5, for me a chainlink, a couple of Harleys and a 67 Charger in the yard and maybe just one would be enough. I know a little about Harleys, and there is just something special about the 67 Charger that makes it dreamworthy for me, and a daughter, I was always sure I'd have a daughter. The dreams I had were just nice thoughts to me, I tried not to let them own me. It could still happen but I think with age these dreams have become slightly more commercial, more commonplace and less of a future I can see myself having. I want it now more than I thought I did, but I wonder if maybe those times I bobbed instead of weaved may have shifted my possibilities. People keep telling me to just go with the flow and maybe i'm working to hard to relax and go with it to actually get the hang of the whole idea. Before I go with the flow, I have to assess and reassess , weigh the options, consider changes in altitude and density, and even then i'm still slow to move with the flow. Clearly, I am not a go with the flow kind of girl. I am nonetheless a girl and somewhere in me is the urge to pass on the good parts of me to another life.

I think we all, male or female have some desire to create something beautiful to carry on our best pieces. I also think that at somepoint in our lives each of us gets to a place where this dream no longer seems completely possible and or logical. It's a bitter that hides a deep secret part of us, and for some eventually scars and stops hurting. This point can happen at any age, under any number of circumstances. I submit, that at some point, we all consider the possibility of creating a life and showing it love. Some of us visit that particular bitter but don't live there just yet and so it scabs but never heals and this scar is only owned by the healed. I like the scars I've got both inside and out because they remind me of what I've learned and where the roadmaps have already taken me. I want to go offroading in life, do it all wrong and have fun while I sink. Changes are good and it can never be too late to change who you are into someone you love instead of just like. Some of us love so hard when we love, that maybe, just maybe we stop ourselves from doing it. Feelings and love they come easy for some, for others they're locked behind carefully guarded gates for fear someone may get hurt if ever they are released. The cold hard truth, i'm not getting any younger and neither is anyone else. This 27 is going to be an interesting year.

Talk is cheaper than gasoline.

I am a sinner, I have no desire to be redeemed by some god or higher power. I have no hope that my morals will some day adjust to suit the requirements of the society in wich I live, I simply wish to live. I am willing to change if provided valid reasons to do so or if the spirit moves me. I hold grudges and am overly disgusted by people who hurt those that I love, this will not likely change. My relationships with those that I love will change. The people we grow with are the same people we will some day see at the grocery store and say hello to and continue walking towards the tampons or eggs we came in for. It becomes clearer as we get older the bonds that kept us together in our youth are now, the very thing that keep us from being that guy or girl at the grocery store. In the changing times and the adult lives we are all moving further into, there will be casualties, perspective will change and priorities will shift. We are the people we have become and for some of us that is something to be proud of for others there is still more to strive for. I look at the people I am fortunate enough to have in my life and I am grateful.

The people I choose to surround myself with are not competition, they are family. When one of us succeeds it is my belief a part of each of us is successful as well, a small part, but a part nonetheless. We all go through hard times and those are the times we pull together in whatever ways we can. Your friends are not people you hope to be better than your friends are people you hope to be better with. I will always want to be better tomorrow than I am today that is my goal, I look at my friends as inspirations. I wouldn't want to become an accountant or a nurse, a stay at home mom or manage people. I wouldn't want to have a mortgage or children right now but I am damn proud of each person in my life that is already doing or is on their way to these things. These people give me a reason to go out and do what makes me happy. These people I look up to and think to myself someday pieces of my life may resemble what you've got going on because these accomplishments help me every day to see more clearly what I want for myself. These friends all contribute to who I am today as well as who I will become. There is a rough road ahead of me to get things on a track thats headed to the brighter days I long for. But along that road there are plenty of people whose experiences I can learn from. I am willing to let certain things go lately with a little less fight because there is so much I need to accomplish and complete that I don't care as much as I used to about the little shit.

As we get older and search for partners in life our partners will not always be group approved, I will never love my close friends girlfriend, I believe she is wasting valuable air, but they have a child whom I do love and I love my friend this means I try as hard as I can to respect the situation and respect the girl. Cheating, lying, and or pretending its all ok once these things have happened or been discovered. These are things I would never accept in a relationship. Everyone has different expectations in relationship, I would expect brutal honesty. Personally I believe cheaters have two choices, hide it and hide it well or be honest, by all means tell the person you love and want to be with that you have some things to deal with and are thinking about or are activily fucking some one else, but know that when you decide to be honest about your cheating your only doing it to make yourself feel better. I'm not sure I'd know what to do if someone I love and am in a committed relationship with, committed a highlevel "relationship foul". What I do know is respect is earned not by apologies and bullshit but by genuine effort to become a better person. No excuse will ever be valid. Redemption and respect they are earned by actions. The world is full of people unwilling to own their actions, don't be that guy, that guy sucks.

How can I have any pudding...

I woke up this afternoon wishing I had more to wake up for than the bullshit I make up to get me through each day. I did chores I made up to make myself feel better, I did laundry, mopped the bathroom floor and made the bed. None of what I accomplished today made me feel any better about where I am in life. I went to the grocery store today and lost my keys. House keys, car keys both MIA for about an hour. I checked the store 3 times went through my groceries twice and after my father made the drive from Stratford to the Naugatuck Stop and Shop, after I'd thrown a tantrum like a four year old, my keys were found and my day went on. By this point though, I'd already crawled into that place I go on really bad days. I don't know that everyone goes to the same place but for me its that place you go when nothing is going to make you feel better. Once I climb into that place nothing can pull me out, Its a place I need to visit for a while before I can move on.


I lost my cool, this happens but for me this was more, it was me falling apart in front of strangers combined with a lack of control over my situation. Today was all about the last two months of failure coming together in one simple grocery run. I've never been the "normal kid" my crazy flag has always flown in its very own direction, today it flew extra high and extra bright and it said too much to all the wrong people. I've learned to hide certain things from the world around me, I've learned that panic is unacceptable and disappointment is inevitable. Not one person at that grocery store knew my name or gave a fuck about my keys, all they saw was crazy because that is all I showed them. Having nothing to do all day but examine yourself makes it alot harder to remain calm and rational. Rational or not, the way I looked at today was simple, no wonder I can't find a job if I cant handle a simple grocery run without losing my shit. Then I wonder, how many other people are out there questioning their self worth, how many other people are feeling what I feel and what are they doing to make it better? It's not enough to know you need to be more, sometimes the only acceptable thing is to actually be more.

From time to time we all fail and it is in fact what we do with our failures that makes us better. Not better than the people around us but better than the people we were before the experiences that make us who we are each day. Today, I failed at keeping my cool, the last few months in comparison to my past, I've somehow managed to contain myself. My life is nowhere near where i'd imagined it, today I lost my keys, a month ago I lost my job and a month from now who knows what i'll lose. Nothing is going to stop the next rough patch from coming but I am in control of how I react to it. Tears and emotions they get you nowhere, that is just the way it is, no fluff, no cushion, cool calm collected and rational, this is how a person gets where they want to go. This is how walls get built, safety happens and the past is forgotten. Eventually, I will learn to completely control myself, for now, I take comfort in my progress and strive to be better. Tomorrow will be better.

Frito Bandito isn't blogworthy either!

I have this thing about birthdays, I think birthdays are the greatest thing ever. For me birthdays are a chance to remember and celebrate that you are alive and that there are people in your life that are happy about this. Birthdays should never be spent alone and are far more important than christmas or easter. Birthdays are just before Thanksgiving but only a close second to Halloween the number one holiday of pretty much all time. This years, this 27 is shaping up to be a pretty good start. There is alot to do this year and i'd like to get it all done, not just some of it, all of it. I want to look at 27 and smile from 28 with the knowledge I didn't do anything half-assed. 26 on the other hand was a no apologies no regrets kind of year and I choose to let the whole thing be considered a lesson learned and a piece of my history.

I had this theory come up while I was washing my hair today, I thought, what if everything that happened this year was just a tumor. What if every decision I've ever made is effected by some giant tooth growing in my head under my frontal lobe. When I was a kid I thought there were different versions of my life happening in alternate universes. In one life things were really crappy but in another things were going swimmingly. If I got chased up a set of stairs in this life in another life it was me, chasing someone else down the stairs. To me this theory still at times can bring me out of myself just long enough to get through whatever is going on around me. Life is full of things that could be different if we'd just taken the left instead of the right, but in the end who really cares how we got here or how long it took. In the end everyday should have a birthday moment of zen, a moment where you can't help but smile because you made it a whole year since the last March 12th or October 13th or whatever day of the year it happens to be. Every day should have that "I made it" moment where you remember that tomorrow can be even better than yesterday. Without a moment like that each day we forget a little more how fortunate we are to be alive and by the end of a year maybe we don't remember anymore. This is my greatest theory of the week, could you imagine forgetting your birthday? For me, this is when we start to die, the beginning of the end my friends. Are you really living if its all just a routine? How truly happy can any person be if their own birth is just another day to them. I submit that birthdays are just as important to a persons spirit as water is to a persons body. I am only as alive as I remember to be, this year I'm going all out!

Lezzy Fairys!

I've been paying attention lately, learning some things about the world around me and trying to put together a plan for my 27th year. It has not been easy to figure out where I want to go exactly but I seem to have stumbled upon a few good ideas. I've also stumbled upon a frightening realization that this country and perhaps this world is about to spontaneously combust. I've been exploring my dictionary again in my attempts to have a clear understanding of some of the political, turmoil happening as a result of "Big Oil". I've been listening to people with actual power to make things right, throw words around that i'm not certain they even know the meaning of. I've been watching as this country gets ready for a giant dose of reality and an even larger push out of its big boots and into the muck. There seems to be so much emphasis on unimportant factors and so little on the here and now consequences for not only actions or misactions of "Big Oil" but the continuing fumbles of the political leaders in this great country as they continue to back the people who pay them rather than their country. Parden me, Mr. Barton, AHEM, Due process? SERIOUSLY??? Was that you sitting next to Hayward on that yacht over the weekend? Just trying to get your life back were you? Well, I hate to be a kiljoy but that oil leak is not going away with prayer like Senator Adley of Louisiana is hoping. The hurricane beaten region just barely getting back on their feet after a natural disaster and your holding your greasy palms together to pray, because the regulations you never even bothered to enforce have raped the environment and its people.


Meanwhile the people of this country would rather find out which housewives of New York said what about who. We love our media as long as it is entertaining but how entertaining is it to watch old white south fight new brown Obama over things that don't directly affect us? How much fun is it to know your entire country is being led by greedy dynasties and corruption infested people who have raised ignorant snobs to eventually take over the whole operation. I certainly prefer watching "reality" tv and gossiping about how much Lindsey "spilled" on her skin or in her mouth. With out a doubt my main concerns in life should be Kate's new haircut and how often she dances with the stars with my second largest concern being how many time a week Angelina and Brad get into a fight or adopt another kid from another country while babies and children here in this country go on starving in the streets or are waiting to be adopted.

There are 11 people dead, there are entire ecosystems that will die, creatures, businesses and hope of all kind will slowly fade away. But the drilling does not stop, the solutions do not come as quickly as they should because in a country of some 300 million people most know more about which celebrities are cheating on their wives and husband than we do about our governments long standing agreement to look the other way while the "small people" get ground a little further into the dirt. Who holds lawmakers accountable for their actions? What motivates our leaders to make examples of "Big Oil" if thats who they're invested with? I don't bite the hand that feeds me, but I will stab you with a fork if you try to take my food. It's time the majority stand up and wave its butchers knife at those cheap forks and take back its food. How much is your freedom worth? How much is your vote going for these days? We talk big about patriotism and how great this country is yet we ignore it when people in power not only use it for personal gain but for the gain of private corporations that they also, just so happen to have some kind of stake in.

We are a country full of intelligent people choosing to focus on nonsense that does not affect us instead of addressing the nonsense that does. This is not the first time our government has failed to properly regulate and police big business and this is not the first disaster made by man in order to make money. This is the largest and this will inevitably become the most tragic example of laissez-faire failure in current society. The absolute disregard for consequences by all involved , from crooked OSHA inspectors to crooked politicians to the money hungry executives who weighed the risks and decided there wasn't enough time to do the job right. They wanted oil and they wanted it yesterday. Now they expect poor unemployed America to clean up their mess and apologize, to them for being upset about the whole clumsy misunderstanding?What were we born yesterday? You don't have enough faith in your own country to invest in American owned businesses and support its president, but us "small guys" who blindly beleive in our government officials, we are expected to pay a little extra in taxes the next few years and we'll be back on our feet in a jiffy?


Why should I invest in a country that does not regulate its own lawmakers? I should invest in my country because that is what gives me the power. The problem is unlike these big businesses the business that is this country has many more stockholders and if even just 200 million took an interest in what was happening in boardroom, an entire nation may stand a chance at not only surviving but prospering. The problem is getting them all to pay attention at the same time and then take action to not only stop it this time but keep it from happening again. Dr. Martin Luther King Junior said "When evil men plot, good men must plan. When evil men burn and bomb, good men must build and bind.", Now is a time to build and bind. When rich greedy people get too greedy and too arrogant, poor frustrated people must rise up and help them to become humble.

Where you want to be.

I've been planning this move to Atlanta for a few years now. Each time things get really rough I consider the logic of it. Is there enough money, what would I do and where would I work. I consider it carefully, am I running away or just running. Eventually I talk myself out of the move before I can start packing and planning. Today I realized this time I am planning before I pack, I'm trying to figure out how to save and pay things off and get ready for a move out of the great new england. I'm considering New Orleans for awhile before Atlanta, I'm wondering if my wandering spirit can handle a place where I know no one and there is so much to actually be done.

I wonder if I'm ready for such a drastic adventure. Then I think, fuck it if I get things in order, if I handle the plan in a responsible adult manner, if I just stop thinking and go. Then I think, I'll be gone. It's a strange feeling to want to stay and do it one way, knowing you have to do it another. Knowing that if you stay you'll begin to fade away.Knowing whats out there in the world makes it that much more painful to stay and assimilate. Some people are happy in one place for a lifetime and others need to test the waters and head for firmer ground. I'm almost prepared to start plotting it out and I've begun to recognize the winds slow shift. Its a very slow shift with a whole lot left to learn about it, but i'm enjoying the pace we are shifting with. I like the way it feels to recognize the shift but it's frustrating not to know when exactly the big decisions should be made by. At what point do I move myself into yet another storage facility or sell my possesions on the front lawn, stop talking about what I'm going to do and just do it already.

I'd like to go somewhere where living is celebrated, somewhere better than reality tv will ever tell us and somewhere with plenty to do even when you don't have much to do it with. I want to see things with my own eyes instead of filtered by others. Its hard to imagine staying in the same place for too long and that leads me to believe my next big move had better be not only bold, but really well thought out as well. In my attempts to fully prepare I think this time when I go I'd like to do it right, debt free and ready. Just like there is never a good time to give someone bad news there will never be a "good" time to leave what you know for what you don't. I'm just hoping that I'm seeing things clearly when the time comes. Simplify your life if you want to live free, there are decisions made by us and decisions made by nature. It is my nature to be free and how can I be running away if I am walking. We should all be able to walk into something new every once in awhile.

Lesbian seaguls

I have a crush on the girl at Cumberland farms, she's across between my first girl crush and Alison Folland's character in "All over me". If you don't know who either of those people are I can't really help you. She always seems to be there when I'm having a bad time and she always cheers me up. Our encounters are always brief and extremely polite, she tells me to smile or that things will get better and like a trained puppy, I smile and laugh, get whatever it is that I needed, say thank you and go on with my day. She has no idea about my little lesbian school girl crush , maybe she thinks I'm some depressed freak and she takes pity on my poor soul. Perhaps she is madly in love with the bakers son but had babies with the milkman or perhaps she is madly out of love and looking for an adventure. Maybe she she has her own blog and is right this moment writing about her own lesbian school girl crush on me. Then again maybe not.


I've been thinking today about the lesbians in my life, it feels stupid just typing it or saying it, "lesbian" what the hell do parts have to do with love in the first place. Who the hell cares what parts are in a relationship as long as no ones hurting anyone. I give up when it comes to explaining my sexuality or preferences. Truth is, I prefer to follow my instincts and my heart, sometimes this gets me into trouble and sometimes its just fun. The fact is I've never felt loyal to the idea of only being with either men or women. Basically, I am one greedy lady, I'm finished questioning myself about what I like and I'm done fighting my attractions for easy situations. I like biker men and butch women, Harleys and gentleman, love and respect, and every once in a while I'll adjust the details because a lady never knows what a lady wants until she's already had it. There is freedom in the "fuck it all", the summer mantra that makes things all better, there is freedom in remembering old parts of yourself. Sometimes you've got to remember where you came from to know where you've been and I want to move forward with only the good.

I was 13 maybe 14 it was a friday night in Stratford and she was tall with those giant skater jeans and a navy blue t-shirt with a white strip at the shoulder inseams. Her blonde hair was down and she smiled the most amazing smile. It was just a crush but man, I thought she was something special. I told her a few years ago about how she was my first girl crush but even then It wasn't really real to me, more of a fantasy or a dream that only happened in my head. Now here's this cashier who reminds me of her and suddenly I think perhaps I'll try to smile before the mindless friendly banter starts next time.

Its not a child its a ghost...

I watch childrens shows sometimes, Yo gabba gabba and Wonderpets are my favorites. I don't have children, I'm starting to accept that I may never have children. I'm a long way from not caring but I am trying. Over the last few years I've watched as people I care about, pair up and make babies, buy houses and work very hard to have the happily ever after. As I watch this happen it becomes harder not to think about how things might have been if i'd done things differently. If the summer of 19 had been less about dead things and more about life, If the summer of 21 had been less of a party and more of a picnic, mabe this whole baby thing wouldnt be so tough to grasp or maybe it wouldn't be a thought at all. The truth though, is none of my wondering changes any of it. No amount of questioning changes any of my past and truthfully, when all is said and done I'm glad. We live and then we die and the parts in between are made to have fun with, learn with, grow with and I have no regrets about the things I've done. I am proud of who I am and without each piece of my past, just as it is, I may never have become this person.


We all have secret pieces of our past that a few people know and maybe one other person knows entirely. One of mine is a ghost, his name is now another boys name and he lives with the other skeletons. He is 8 years old and he was not wanted. He lingers like the taste of a dirty old sock in your mouth, and he has no face. I keep him in my closet, he comes out to watch cartoons and kids shows with me once in a while. We don't speak we just watch as the screen full of bright colors and smiles fills the silence. He is my secret, with him things may have been different, but when it comes to him I know things are better with him as a ghost. 19 seems so long ago, and I can't say I miss that time and place, each year has something new to struggle with and 19 was a long time ago, yet still cuts just as deep.


I am ever changing, ever growing and always hoping to know more, but I wonder who I'll teach all the things I've learned. I wonder if my ghost will ever live and if my closet will empty out and then I get the urge to fly again on my broken wing to some new adventure in some foreign land. This time I hope I am better prepared for the choices in need of making, this time I will get a choice. I own what I've done and where I am and sometimes it takes longer to get to the ownership and sometimes, ok most of the time, I take the long way but I will always try to get there. No apologies, No regrets. Own the person you become and you'll always be your own boss. I apologize to no one and only look back to visit, I have no regrets for things i've done or haven't done. My crazy is my own special mix of demons and do gooders and each choice has been my own. Broken wings are better than no wings at all.

Hey asshole, you're becoming more of an asshole...

I spent my weekend in a timewarp, I was sixteen again being silent and kept in check. The thing is I'm not sixteen anymore and silent and in check is much harder than it used to be. I think for everyone different friends get different parts of us. I have two friends I have known now for 20 years, they are both very different, and extremely loved. They know more of me than I do at times and for some reason they still stick around. Aside from these two I am fortunate enough to have many people in my extended family, these people are the people I would do anything for, the people who have picked me up and put me together each time I've fallen off the wall. These are the people that sit at my table. They are all amazing, they are all perfect in their own way and even the worst of them has atleast one redeeming quality, even if it is hard to find. Over the past few years I've made some knew friends, grown up a little and done my very best to stand on my own. The thing about friends is we all have one or two that cannot grasp that we're not kids anymore and that things change and eventually people do too. This weekend was all about that friend.
That friend at times can be a giant asshole. That friend can also be the one who gives you a reason to wake up when you start to give up. At 18 that friend was one of only three friends I ever got to see and on my 19th birthday she was the friend who took care of me as I watched my future shift. 8 years later, I think maybe I've said thank you enough and I wonder if maybe its time I give up on this friend ever truly realizing it goes both ways. The thing is I can't help but hope and believe that underneath the mean girls attitude and the narcissism the funny friend who wanted to take her daughter to festivals, sell bumper stickers, and randomly move to florida, still lives. It's hard for me to watch this person I love, forget where we came from. It is also hard for me to remember that she didn't come from the same place, we just both happened to be in the same place for a while. The bottom line is even assholes have people who know they're not complete assholes, these same people are left with the responsibility of very carefully yet firmly updating the asshole as to their status as an asshole. This is infact, the worst job ever.

Poppie, I am Brown...

Ever drive by the life you thought you wanted 2, 4, 10, 20 years ago and ponder wether or not you chose to change it or it changed you? I sat in a room full of Fairfield CT, kindergartners and their parents this morning for a "Celebration of Learning". I was asked a few times who I was to the child whom I was there for, a few of them charged forward with the "Are you her mom?" and "Hi, we're so and so's parents and you are?", to wich I smiled and stumbled into a far too wordy explanation about her mom and I being friends. Others began but had trouble rounding the corner while their brains worked way too hard to figure out how "Aunty Meghan" was related to this blonde haired little white girl. For those that couldn't ask but started to, I attempted to fill the silence with either my knowledge of who they were or an awkward smile and a go ahead I dare you look I like to think I learned from my m0m. Now, it is completely reasonable to think perhaps I am over reacting, maybe these kind folks were just suprised because my friend, the childs mother was the most popular room mother of all and they were very concerned about her health because some tragic plague is the only way she would miss this momentous event in her daughters life. In my time waiting for the lemonade toast to the childrens accomplishments I checked the room one last time for the token black kid, he must have come down with a case of that same plague my friend had because he was definitly no where to be found. The two spanish children in the room, one boy, one girl, must have met the diversity standards for the class and I have a slight feeling their mothers just assumed I was spanish as well. Bringing the brown kids to three in a class of maybe 23.

The part that concerns me is how many of these kids and their parents know or spend time with anyone that doesn't also have white skin and live between Fairfield and the New York state line? How many of them assumed I was the nanny and how many didn't care because like me, they were only there because they love the kid they were there for. For me this type of situation is startling in a few new ways but for the most part, this has been and always will be a part of my life. I have never been one or the other, black or white, I will always be both, I will always look spanish to someone and my crayon will always be burnt sienna. The child I was there for is also always going be loved infinitely by me just like her older sister, and these kids along with their brother will always hold the biggest chunk of my heart. They don't care wether I am chocolate or vanilla, they have no bones about tellin people about Aunty Meghan and though they haven't quite figured out how yet, they are completely certain we are related. The other kids all seemed pretty cool but someday they will meet someone browner than me and some day those parents are going to attempt in the most republican and politically correct manner, to explain race to their underexposed and overpriviledged first and second graders.

The Celebration of learning was over promptly an hour after it began, and I went on with my day. I spent time with my grandmother, took her to get her hair cut and get treats from the evil empire known as Starbucks. This was a much more familier and comfortable burnt sienna situation. My Grammie is very petite and well, you guessed it, white. She also has Alzheimers disease, these factors combined have resulted in some very interesting situations and are sure to only get more fantastical over time. During my vacation last year I visited my grandparents in Florida, Grammie and I stopped in a Walgreens or CVS, she was in my line of view for most of this outting but I turned for a few moments and she pocketed a lipstick. I asked her if she was all set she said yes the clerk rang my things out and gave me a nasty stare and I just figured the clerk was having a bad day. Then we got home and wouldn't you know, Grammie had all her money still but was insisting she had paid for the new lipstick she was showing my grandfather.

For my Grammie and I at this point its pretty much the same as it is with my friends children. She doesn't care what color I am, just that I'm spending time with her and much like the kids, sometimes she's not sure how we're related either, she just knows we are. When I brought her home my grandfather stepped away from his baseball cards just long enough to ask if I'd found a job and name a few local towns I should try to work for. Upon mention of one town I said "Poppie, they don't really like brown there." He responded in a fashion only he could, "You're not brown, you're a person, I don't see what browns got to do with it." he said. The thing is my grandfather has rarely if ever acknowledged that his grandchildren are anything but white. This colorblind attitude is not that of a progressive thinker but more the ignorant bliss of an elderly man who at some point chose to put the blinders on and preserve a relationship with his grandchildren and their parents. There was a time where I may have argued with him and gotten frustrated but today I just smiled and left it alone. I love each of my grandparents in all of their craziness but lately sometimes I love my grandfather a little extra because I think maybe he needs it. Perhaps, beyond the superficial junk, those parents this morning need a little more love too and maybe their kids will teach them a thing or two before they become blissfully ignorant elderly folks. My name is Aunty Meghan, my crayon is burnt sienna, I am black and I am white. This is part of who I am as a person not because I want it to be but because it is, I am many other things and my personality is all over the place but among those other things I will be brown until I'm mulch.

Hula hoop dreams.

It rained today, this loosely translated means I slept and did nothing for most of it. I did have lunch with a friend, listen to some Rick James and stop in an Irish Tavern for a Guiness all of wich provided me with laughter and motivation to not continue letting this record play on repeat for too much longer. On my way home I missed a turn and took the long way home through Waterbury. Stopped at a red light I noticed a little boy maybe three or four years old playing in the rain with a broken hula hoop. He and the man with him walked into the check cashing place and the boy brought the trashed and broken hula hoop in with him, the light turned green and I drove away. I have a cousin around the same age as this boy, he lives in suburbia, has plenty of hula hoops and toys scattered all over the yard, and addresses his aunts and uncles by their first names only.Where he's being raised broken toys are not good enough and are easily replaced and therefore discarded, where this hula hoop boy is growing up any toy broken or not is a good toy.

When I graduated high school someone gave me a copy of "Oh, the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Suess. I wonder if i'd been born in a different environment, lived on a farm, grown up in a big city, if my life would have taken me to this same chair writing these same words. I wonder if that little boy started out with a broken hula hoop or if he just loved it so much he wore it out. Obviously, I don't know the kids situation outside of my personal observations but I do know as I watched him for that moment hop in and out of his split and broken hula hoop he looked just as happy to be there if not happier than my cousin in suburbia. I'd like to be that happy. I'd like to be able to have fun with the broken things in the world around me. Am I the hula hoop or the boy? Will I let a little dirt and damage ruin an otherwise good time or will I get over the molehills through the mountains and get back on the train. I think its going to be a long hike, but the train comes through again soon and I need to be on it.

Bitter late night ramblings...

Tonight I'm not really sure what to write or where i'm going with this or anything else for that matter. I woke up today and just the simple act of opening my eyes was painful. In the past few weeks of unemployment I have been barely able to get motivated long enough to fully clean the house, do laundry or get groceries. I send my resume out and get calls from scam companies telling me they want me but refusing to discuss hours, wages or what exactly it is that they do. On Sundays I call to tell the automated system that for yet another week I have failed to do enough and actually find a job. Somehow I am fortunate enough to be surviving financially but aside from that each day gets a little harder to plaster on a smile and tell myself and those around me how great I am.

There is much more to getting fired than losing your job and there is much more to asking for help than just accepting it. I've now been fired from two jobs in my life and I'm sure life has plenty more bumps for me to go over before I get where I'm going but once or twice in this life I'd like to sit on the top of the bump and learn how other people do it with such grace and style. Is everyone just plastering on the appropriate smile and moving on with their day or am I once again the minority? Both lost jobs had their pros and cons and both did what was right for them. I mean that lady didn't actually have a lawn and if it weren't for the rain she would have never known I was there but that wasnt exactly strike 1 or 2 or even 3 for truck driving and no, I certainly didnt make my quota 3 out of the last 4 months at this more recent lost job and though that was definitly not on purpose, the last thing I wanted to do was continue watching asskissers and politics prevale over hard work and common sense but the last thing on anyones to do list is get fired. I had hopes of finding the perfect new job that paid my bills, gave me time to go to school and ended at 40 hours with no one too deep in my personal life. Shame on me for thinking life happened on my very specific timeline and terms.

In my half assed, pity party attitude I've lost the drive to be the ideal employee in some office and I am slowly coming to the conclusion that two crappy jobs who know they're mindnumbing and ultimately worthless, may just be better than jumping back on to that customer service slave ship. Then I try to imagine how to fit four classes into the 2 job house of cards and not only does the house crumble but I somehow end up owing it money. There is a time for all things and perhaps this for me is a time to get a little numb, hide in some silly job and hope the people who count don't take the coming isolation too personally. Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and do algebra, find the job of my dreams and pay off my debts in full. I think the algebra is most likely to happen, and my magic 8 ball and psychic network are both assuring me that tomorrow will be better so with that I think I'll head to bed, hopefully those psychics are better than the weatherman.

The revolution is in talks with the network...

A few weeks ago my younger sister and I had a discussion that made me question for a moment if we grew up in the same household. She had never heard "The Revolution Will not be Televised." by Gil Scott-Heron, she did not know why this was important. We are only four years apart in age and we definitly grew up in the same house, but even as I played it for her on my blackberry with its internet and youtube access, it frightened me that she could see no value in the history of it. In a country that holds the majority of the worlds wealth, throws out more food than many countries even have access too and could realistically be completely self sufficient if not for our materialistic practices, the real people in this country have stopped screaming their grievances and begun whispering to eachother about how things have really got to change. Silently we have accepted the sale of our jobs to foreign countries, silently we accept the mass production of genetically improved animals, the children of our own country starving while we aid countries who don't want our help and ignore countries who desperately need help. We are overdue for a revolution and I can't help but wonder how much longer we will go without one. How long will the people of this country park themselves in front of the television instead of get movin out there in the world.

Once again I look to my trusty dictionary for the definition of revolution and what I find does not satisfy what I am looking for. I'm not looking to overthrow the government or "complete a cycle" and I don't believe change can ever be complete, provided you are working towards a brighter future. The future can always be brighter and the world can always get better. I do believe in social change, I do believe sitting down and watching things take turn after turn and getting worse and worse for the little guy is a sad part of what we call American culture. I don't believe anything is going to change if there is an entire generation of people who just dont care and I dont believe we will ever know what needs to be changed if we continue to believe everything we watch on tv, read on the internet, or in newspaper and magazines. There is an entire generation of kids out there with no knowledge of how it got this way and no worries about where it's going and they are all going to breed!

Well fuck, I'm worried but not because I have kids, because I don't. You see its this generation of kids raised on tv and fastfood thats going to be feeding me and wiping my ass in the nursing home when I'm 80. Its these technology obsessed, mannerless manipulators, raised by 50 inch flat screens and guilt, lacking basic communication skills that will be taking care of me in some elder care facility built by robots and suspected immigrants.

Certainly, I'm not saying I have all the answers, because my answers are rarely the right ones lately, but I am saying maybe its time things start changing again. The revolution will not be rewritten by historians, it will not place children in front of the tv and ask them to watch cheap remakes of the original.The revolution will never come if we don't act and react. The time is coming once again to pull the plug, turn off and get it together. We are a country full of people sending aid to other countries when people at home are starving, homeless and unemployed. We send work to other countries, not because they do it better but because its "cost effective", while people here continue to lose jobs. Here in a country that can be completely self sufficient we continue to starve ourselves as we send our future overseas so the rich can continue to get richer and the poor can continue to watch American Idol and convince themselves it will get better if they just pray a little harder. Nothing changes if you don't change it and no one gets up if they don't know they can. Would history ever repeat if we never knew what it was?

The revolution is not going to happen because we want it to, its not going to whisper at you in the night or hold your hand while you sit alone at the lunch table. The revolution will inspire change at more than a snails pace and it will be talked about at the water cooler and shouted from random rooftops. The revolution will feed your hungry, house your homeless and employ your jobless, the revolution will save us from ourselves, educate us on our history and bring us chances we never thought we'd have. The revolution will not be a cheap remake of the original but a shiny, new, sparkling piece of hope that will open the eyes of a blacked out generation to the reality of our power to bring change to our children and life to an uninspired generation of worker bees. The revolution cannot be a rerun and it will not be televised, youtubed or twittered. It will not take place on your couch or even on your computer, the revolution will not come to you and it will not be edited by the FCC for your viewing amusement. The revolution will require movement, you will sit in the drivers seat you may not even wear a seatbelt and you will drive. The revolution will be alive and so will you.